| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|08:59 pm] |
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I wish I could make this stop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|06:27 pm] |
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The smoke danced and swirled in the stream from my mouth to the cloud around my head.I twirled the cigarette inbetween my fingers. I felt as if it really sealed the deal, that I really fucked up this time. And you shouldve seen it... and I wish you had. No, I wish you had felt it. I watched grey fade to black over those dull green trees through that country window as I sat in that room filled with smoke. Just...sitting...with a smoldering cigarette and bright eyes playing on my headphones. It was there that I thought of you. I thought of your morning that you wanted to share with me...and it was at this moment I realized that even though I know things are really fucked up, I wanted to share this moment with you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2006|12:24 pm] |
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick of being last resort.
I'm sick of being the outcast.
I'm sick of being nothing.
I'm sick of being picked on.
I'm sick of being 2nd best...if even that much.
I'm sick of being two faced.
I'm sick of lying.
I'm sick of being talked about.
I'm sick of me.
Don't comment this telling me I'm wrong. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|04:21 pm] |
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I need someone to hang out with tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|04:04 pm] |
I have this bad habit.
I start liking people...easily.
Then I get my hopes up.
And then... I feel 385409126515287 x worse.
I should learn...Things good don't happen to girls like me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|11:34 am] |
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Yesterday, there was an announcement that a girl had died. Tthe worst part about it was that no one knew who she was or how she died. This made me think, what would happen if I died? Would I just a short minute or two of the afternoon announcements, be the topic of people's questioning... just to be forgotten by the next day? People are too concerned with their own lives to think of others tragedies... and I, of coarse, am no exception. I need to improve myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|11:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Well, today was a absolutely gorgeous day. The weather was pretty perfect and put me in a good mood. I had second period off today, which was cool. Thank god it's friday. I dyed my hair last night and cut it. Some people liked it. One thing that kinda pissed me off about today was Social Studies. The teacher was asking us to abreaviate a sentance for better note takeing and she seemed to like mine and asked me to write it on the blackboard. Considering I'm a bit shy, not many people in that class talk to me. As I walked up to the board, I could see and hear countless students laugh and stare. I came to the conclusion that it was either because of my hair, which I added some black and green and a layer where they got mixed together and formed a purplish color, or, they were laughing because of what a was wearing, a pair of jeans that I sewed buttons on and a little boys collared shit with a brown vest with thin blue vertical stripes. Maybe they laugh cause they think I'm a freak. Either way, I'm trying to ignore it. People always have a habbit of ruining good days, but I guess it's not ruined. It will get better, besides, pointing out their flaws made me laugh, such as the fact that they all look the same, and that the girls wear no clothes and the guys wear clothes way too huge for them. Tonight I'm going to the mall with Jamie, Tori, Alex and Alex's friend. I'm excited because a) I want to become better friends with Tori and Alex. and b) Maybe Alex's friend will be really nice and I'll have a new friend, which would be awesome. Well, I think that's about it, I might post pictures later.
=] |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|11:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
I guess I gave up on the plan. I can't make someone who doesn't even know me date me. I'm really lame to even think I had a chance. I'm starting to believe my friends don't like me very much. I failed a math test today cause my calculator was on the wrong setting... I think I fail at life cause my mind is on the wrong setting. I have to set more realistic goals. Since when did I actually think I deserved a happy ending?
I just wanted it so bad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|06:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
Well, I'm trying to get better. I'm beginning to have a new out-look on life. Sorta.
I'm still sick, which sucks, but I'm dealing. I really hope me and Jamie's plan works...the loneliness of being single is getting to me.
In math today, I wrote a poem about someone I hate and a poem about all the people in our school loosing their sense of individuality.
I'm on a diet, once again, cause I'm kinda sick and tired of feeling gross. Also, the summer is coming and I don't want to feel like a whale.
I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on, considering I was absent nearly every day last week. It sucks, but I'm managing it.
I feel like my friends hate me, but I tend to do that when I'm PMSing. I tried being friendly at lunch and found people's reactions quite funny.
I got really upset when I got home for some reason. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone and yet, no one would leave me alone. I went to the gym at about 6:30ish, but it was way crowded, so I went to my mom's house. Then I edited my myspace and now I'm on Lj.
The end. |
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| Yes, I also have feelings. |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|08:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Well, recently my friend has been talking about this one boy and it's been makeing me think alot about his best friend. I had a huge crush on him in elementary school, but unfortunatly, haven't spoke with him since. We sort of developed a plan to marry them. Heh.
But, I still feel like the boy I want would never date me because I am not attractive. I really hope I'm wrong. But, I can either not try and regret it or try, and maybe, be more happy than I've ever been.
I don't know, is it worth it? |
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| Damn Lj.... where's my real journal?.. It actually keeps my secrets. |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|05:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Well... today was dull. I can't even recall a single instance where a felt anything more than this empty lonelyness that follows me like a shadow. Jamie got her braces removed and Mary returned home from florida, which were the highlights of my day. Today, I was thinking alot, which is never good. I have a very pathetic wish for someone recently and I think it's filling me with false hope... which is by far the last thing I need right now. I think i'll just continue with my childish fantasies and pitiful half-hearted smiles. I have no problem living a lie, acting carefree and whatnot, but I was never the best liar.
oh well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|03:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Valentines day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
I got a carnation from Jizz-amie.. and i had a few valentines.
Things are starting to seem better i guess.
=]
the thing is... i can almost promise someone is gunna say something to bring it down really soon... oh well |
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| venting |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|05:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
people are as bad as infection. We suck the world dry of irreplaceible fossil fuels, polute the air, destroy trees that keep us provided with oxygen, and create holes in the o-zone that protects us... basically kill kill kill. thats all people do[even the things that we need to survive]. people are horrible selfish creatures that take advantage of this once beautiful planet.
"horrible selfish creatures that take advantage" of things... which leads me to my next topic. MEN! men think theyre amazing creatures just because they have a penis! get the fuck over yourselfs! but i will admit... there are some guys that arent horrible, that dont take advantage or girls and that believe that women have a purpose other than sex... but the majority of those guys are gay. Guys treat girls like objects and judge them on their appearence, they know exactly how to minipulate girls into doing anything they want. but, thats only because women let them. the way women starve themselves/ get plastic surgery/ wear makeup and walk around half naked, i almost dont blame guys for how they act. Women and the media have made a horrible image of true women... who can think for themselves and can get guys without useing their "plastic" appearence. WOMEN, WE ARE NOT MENS' PLAYTHINGS! STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES FOR THE SAKE OF ALL GIRLS! [R.I.P self respect, girls] Honestly, i do get those disgusted feelings looking in the mirror... i do wish i could be gorgeous and have guys crawling on me... but thats only cause the media makes me feel that way. if more women would learn to be strong and fight against the world for once... like, actually rebel for a reason... not like those poser bitches who think that wearing alot of makeup and lieing to their parents is makeing a stand. I hate girls.
nearly as much as i hate guys. please...i have feelings,and i fall for a seemingly decent guy easily, dont take advantage of that. in all honesty, my handicap is that im too realistic at times, and i care too much for other people. I'm sick of my friends calling themselves ugly/fat cause the majority of my friends are the most gorgeous people... inside and out and guys treat them like theyre only good for one thing.
im so sick of love/hate/girls/guys... basically life in general |
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dan_yells_loud's journal